Friday 19 February 2010

can you say stupid?

i have a colleague named jo.  she's lovely, and a fellow writer, too.  last backend, she moved to the office in our neighbouring city.  not too long after, just before christmas, she decided that she missed us all, and we arranged a night out after work.  she came in on the bus,and we all had a lovely time.
a couple of weeks ago, i got an email from her saying that she wanted to repeat the night out. 
great.  i was excited.  i haven't been ot since christmas (we don't get out much), so obviously, i was really looking forward to it.
today, i had a much better day than yesterday, despite yet another crap night's sleep.  it is friday.  i was happy.  work wasn't too much of a pain.  i felt good.  went back to lush and got a couple more of those delicious bathbombs that i used last night.  got an item sorely needed from boots, caught the bus, as usual.  headed for home.
alighting from the bus in my home town, i walked on to the market place, and had a small bliss moment, communing with the moon.  all still good.
now, normally, hubby is waiting on the market place, waiting to give me a lift home (because if i'm on the bus instead of the motorbike it is, by definition, dark and cold). 
hubby wasn't there.
so, yeah, fine, i thought.  he's probably been delayed, as he often is on a friday.  so i gave him a ring.
"hello, love.  where are you?" (expecting: "just coming off the roundabout - i'll be there in a minute")
"i'm at home"
huh?
"How come?"
"because you've gone out."
"uh - what?"
"you've gone out."
so, you see where this is going, right?
i. am. SUCH. a. fuckwit.
really - HE had to tell ME where i was supposed to be.
and STILL it took a few moments to register.

really.  sometimes even i can't stand what a spawny-eyed, parrot-faced wazzock i really am.

the worst thing is, it's not an isolated incident.

*sigh*

in other news, apparrently, my shiny new internet connection begins on 25 or 26 of feb.  can't come soon enough.  i'd do a happydance, but i'm just too despondent with my own unbelievable idiocy at the moment.

other than the moon, a few more small bliss moments happened today, so i'll share these, to try and cheer myself up by reminding said self that i might be irretrievably incompetent at life, but at least i can still appreciate the beauty in the world.

1. a flock of gulls sweeping through derby's morning streets at a height of about 10 - 15 feet.  i see them nearly every morning during my walk from the bus stop to work.  i always stop to appreciate them.  they are beauty itself.

2. deaf people talking at the bus stop,  again, beautiful.  sign language is the closest thing to dancing you can do when standing still.  it's rude to stare, i know, and they must get so sick of people doing so, but it gives me bliss to watch, and i wish i could do it too. i know a few words, and a joke, but that's it. *sigh* another on my long list of languages that i would love to learn,along with - in no particular order - italian, better french, punjabi, and welsh.

3. a beautiful, beautiful cloud.  stunning.  and i can't seem to post the pic (again!) and i can't be arsed to fiddle with it, now, but it's on my twitpic feed.  here's a fun squeaky fact to finish with: i'm a proud member of the cloud appreciation society.

oh, yeah - and if you want to know where the title of this blog comes from, it's a Pink Floyd song, called "learning to fly", that could have been written for me.  it is me. 

still earthbound, always learning, always trying.

one day, i'll remember how.

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